This past weekend I was having a BIG come apart and feeling extremely sorry for myself. All I could think about was what I wasn’t able to achieve in my life and business because of my circumstances. I’m sure you have never done that?? But just in case you have, I spent some time reflecting on my current mindset so I could figure out specifically what was going on. Finally, I realized my negative outlook was the result of my language and self-talk. I was using seemingly innocent words to sabotage myself.
- The FIRST thing I noticed was that I was using, “I am”. For example…“I am helpless.” or “I am angry.” Using “I am” is like placing an equal sign between you and the emotion – you equal whatever emotion you are experiencing. In my case, I equaled helpless and anger. But in reality I wasn’t anger or helpless. I decided to make a major mind shift and now when I am feeling helpless or feeling any emotion – I instead replace it with, “I am choosing to hold onto anger instead of I am angry”. That left me with the choice to continue or to stop holding onto whatever emotion I was experiencing. This reframe allowed me to let go of an emotion at will, instead of claiming it as a constant state of mind.
- The SECOND thing I was using were “why” questions. For example, “Why did this happen to me?” and “Why can’t I be stronger?” Other questions I have heard past clients ask are, “Why can’t I lose weight?”, “Why can’t I motivate myself?” and “Why can’t I make more money?” All of these statements are problem focused, without an answer or solution – keeping us stuck in the overriding question of “why”. For example, the statement, “Why can’t I lose weight.” – makes the mind then think – hummm I can’t lose weight because…and we then answer our own question through our current mindset – and if we aren’t in a great place we may respond with….because I can’t achieve anything in life – because I am a loser – and the negative answers will keep coming up and not help us lose weight because the self-talk is not solution based. Try using the word HOW instead. Ask yourself…”HOW can I lose weight?” “HOW can I be stronger?” “HOW can I not focus on my circumstances?” HOW, focuses on solutions, things you can do about the statement. Solutions that will put you into motion.
The moral of the story – reframe your self-talk and you will be able to break free of what’s holding you back and move into an action based, positive mindset. A clearer vision and focus will give you no choice but to have your best year ever in 2017! The Year of the SKY…